THERE IS A FUCKING COW TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY HOUSE
I AM HOME ALONE
WHAT DO I DO THERE IS A COW PRESSING ITS FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW
tell it to mooove
sticks and stones may break your bones but my dick would absolutely destroy you
(Source: wonderfulsenses)
THIS CAT IS ASKING TO BE PETTED IT IS ACTUALLY ASKING THIS IS THE MOST POLITE CAT IN THE WORLD AND IT’S GOING TO KILL ME
(Source: cineraria)
there is a town called sandwich in massachusetts
there are literally police cars labelled sandwich police
SORRY MA’AM, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST. TOO MUCH MAYO.
(Source: timoodlesarchive)
Don’t say you’ll ‘treat a girl like a princess’ unless you’re prepared to follow up on that shit.
If I’m not living in a castle by the sea with diplomatic powers over a small country then you’re a bitch-ass liar.
I AM ACTUALLY IN TEARS CRYING FROM LAUGHTER I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD AT A VIDEO IN MY LIFE OH MY
OMG I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW GREAT THIS IS.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED
I’m officially dead
(Source: simply-quotes)
(Source: nononick)
i was making a lot of mistakes and then my archery instructor said:
“you make mistakes because you’re focusing on the target and not on your actions”
and i was like woah
thanks for giving me the best life advice i’ve ever gotten
dying
please do not tell me to look up anything when i get home i have the attention span of a walnut
walnuts do not have attention spans
skin doesnt stain why aren’t we making clothes out of human skin
This is why this website scares me
(Source: shalrath)
